The countdown..

The past 16 years have been a journey! In 8 hours I will be rolled into surgery! Finally this chapter will come to an end, and a great one will begin. My next chapter will be full of opportunities without limitations, and I will once again have my independence back without restrictions once I’m fully recovered! I say this with great optimism. With the best of the best working on me tomorrow I got this! With the support of my family and friends it feels like having a high voltage generator when the power goes out.

Many people have two masks I am one of those people. On the outside I will smile and give the persona that everything is great, even after a seizure of an avalanche. That mask is put on because I don’t allow others to know or see the side I had the perception of what I felt was weakness. However what I didnt realize until now was it’s just my reality. The second mask I didnt know I had until recently was how I deal with reality, I don’t ask for help because I want to be my own rock and how I cannot be in control of everything especially life. I can control my actions, my future, but I cannot control the cards I was dealt. However from this moment on I can and will control how I can use this experience to better myself and help others.

See this has been a stepping stone or a bump in my road. I can admit the stepping stone seemed a little out of my reach and a bump that seemed like a mountain. When this process is over in about 13 hours I will have reached the stepping stone and conquered that mountain! I can say this is the countdown to the end of this madness and a new healthy beginning.

After the last 16 years I have never been so ready. I was having a conversation with my mom a few weeks ago and she asked if I was scared. At that time I said “no” because I was so tired of feeling like my head was in a vice. Last week I felt nervous, and of all times I would’ve thought at this moment I would be more nervous or even scared. I don’t feel either for myself. I have all those emotions for my parents, husband, and especially my kids. I’m not looking forward to the pain I hear about, but again I feel very positive.

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