Appreciation

I am blogging tonight because I can’t release my thoughts while running. Let me rephrase that I don’t feel comfortable running alone to have the opportunity to release my thoughts, frustration, and anger. This week has been a rough one. Actually the last 2 weeks has been rough. It has been a long time since I’ve wiggled like this. It has been a long tim since I’ve felt nervous or anxious to be in public for the fear of having a seizure.

However I am appreciative for each day I am seizure free. I am appreciative for my family and definitely my husband. I’m sure he could use a good release because I know, well I don’t know, but I hear the fear in his voice recently as I’ve been shaking and baking. The feel of his hands as he rubs my legs to see if I respond during the last few seizures, or the tone is voice as he is telling me to breathe deep. Father’s day was yesterday and I can’t show or tell him how much he is appreciated because he would just say “oh stop it, are you sure” jokingly.

I am very appreciative of how much my kids watch out for me. I’m sure they worry as much as their father. Actually I know they do. My son who is about to go to college asked me “what are you going to do when I leave” well son I’m going to watch you spread your wings with a smile. I have been so blessed with everyone surrounding me during this journey. I just feel like this journey has been long too long.

What can be done to control or stop this shaking? I wish I knew the answer, but I’m almost lost for words considering the possibility of another surgery. The testing might be worse than the recovery it seems.

For now im just laying in bed thinking of how much I appreciate everyone!

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